just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
