the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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