I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I want to be your penis for a week.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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