It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
You ruined the universe
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
