wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
