i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
