I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She said her name was "party"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
