It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
