I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Holy sore nipples Batman
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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