i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
