so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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