Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
