The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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