I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
