And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
