I bet he comes in French.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
