i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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