i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
