btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
