If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
