I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
