New invention idea: vibrating tampons
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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