The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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