biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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