Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
