Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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