Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
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No more Irish car bombs ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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