I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
