I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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