It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
