I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
