did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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