wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
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