I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
