I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
