last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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