The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
