The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
They have beer where we have blood.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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