I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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