As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
