Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
