He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
