just come out here and I will go home with you...
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
