Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
