mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
