so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
