Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
