I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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