My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
