guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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