So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
