tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
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it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
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Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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