she smelled like a LAN party
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
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She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
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Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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