I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
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