Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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