Someone shit on the floor
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
