i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
They have beer where we have blood.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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