That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize