I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
