Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
