At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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