Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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