Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
