out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
