Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
