The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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