Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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