I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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