So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
