I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and she was petting her beer can
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
