i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
