were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
