Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
My breasts were aching with rage.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
