It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
