So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
