im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize