I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
